I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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