Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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