I am in a vortex of obligation.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
