I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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