idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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