I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
