Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
