Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
