he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
there is puke in my bra ... again
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
