I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
