Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
