did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
