didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
