we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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