its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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