she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
