You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
