just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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