where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
