Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Randomize
