my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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