He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize