All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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