Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
