i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
