yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
