its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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