I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
