It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
