After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize