People in love make me want to vomit
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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