You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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