Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
His nipple licking is glorious
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