sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
