Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
