I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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