I didn't shave. On purpose
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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