Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
