fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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