I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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