I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
