I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
