did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
