What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize
