Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
