I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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