i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
