i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
