Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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