That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
