I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
