i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
