you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
