it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
