Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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