Tell her she can't have a vagina
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
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I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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