Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
