then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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