I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
