trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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