I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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