I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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