I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
