my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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