i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
