Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
