If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
