i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
